Clik here to view.
7 Boozy Deep-Fried Alcohol Treats
“My…heart…my…liver…tell…my family…it was worth it.” ~Consumers of fried alcohol Ever since Reese’s came up with the groundbreaking decision that sweet things taste good with peanut butter, it’s been a...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The Worst Gingerbread Flavored Products in America
“Run run run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me because you really don’t care too much, I mean really, I’m not that tasty, compared to other sweets.” ~The Honest Gingerbread Man We hate to be the...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Food Items America Has Launched Into Space
“Space is AWESOME!” ~Every American child When you were a child, you’d look up at the stars and say, “Space is awesome!” Now, when you look up at the stars, you’ll either say, “Space is fucking...
View ArticleClik here to view.
An AFFotD Thanksgiving: Wherein AFFotD Decries the Fiendish Practices of the...
“Get. That. Healthy. Shit. Out. Of. My. Goddamn. House.” ~Americans That Appreciate Thanksgiving America, tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which means that all of us will be spending some quality time...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The Most Expensive Hot Dogs in the World
“I like my hot dogs like I like my women—concrete physical proof that I lead a shallow, superficial existence.” ~Rich people who spend more than $100 on hot dogs America, let’s take a moment to talk...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The Worst Holiday Treats of Christmas
“Oh no. Fruit Cake.” ~You, on Christmas This week, we’re anxiously counting down the days for Christmas, a holiday you either love unconditionally or complain about at every opportunity while getting...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The Best Holiday Treats of Christmas
“Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!” ~Santa Claus, probably, right? Maybe? Today is Christmas Eve, that day where you silently complain about the fact that you had to use a vacation day in order to travel...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The Worst Mountain Dew Flavors of All Time
“I am AMPED I am AMPED woah what if they made an energy called AMP and…wait I think my heart stopped, or…MOUNTAIN DEW WOO!” ~Mountain Dew Drinker (aged 12) Mountain Dew has one of the more unique...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Jog N’ Vom: America’s Official Food and Drink Races
“Chug chug chug chug chew chew chew chew run run run run!” ~Only the Most American of Runners Americans either love or hate exercising. Sure, you can find some middle ground of, people that guess they...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The Worst Coca-Cola Products in the World
“This is by far the worst idea you’ve had, and you used to put cocaine in your drink and try to sell it to kids.” ~Coca-Cola Product Consultants Shortly Before Being Shouted Down Coca-Cola holds an...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Swerve: Coca-Cola’s Almost Alcoholic Milk Product For School Lunches
Make it alcoholic! No wait, make it milk for school lunches! Fuck it, we’re drunk, do whatever.” ~Coca-Cola Executives We recently waxed the-opposite-of-poetic about Coca-Cola produced beverages that...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The Best Potato Chip Flavors You’ve Probably Never Tasted
“No, dammit, I said weird things we’d WANT to eat. Yes, we’re going positive this time round. No, I’m not drunker than normal. Just get it done.” ~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt When we...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The (Terrifying) Black-Bun Burgers of the World
“Nope nope nope nope nope nope.” ~AFFotD Food Critic, John Goodman Depending on what non-affotd corners of the internet you choose to spend your free time perusing, you might have heard recently about...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Lobster Rolls: America’s Most Expensive Sandwich That’s Worth Every Penny
“Oh, this is so good. Wait, what’s that? Twenty three dollars? Son of a bitch…eh, still worth it.” ~Lobster Roll Purchaser We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again—few creatures of the sea are...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The World’s Largest Candy (That You Can Buy Right Now)
“*begins seizing from sugar overdose*” ~AFFotD’s official product taste tester America loves candy so much that we wrote a kind of annoying song about how much we want it back in 1965, and we’ve not...
View ArticleClik here to view.
America’s Worst Flavored Milk
“Listen, kids will drink anything if you just fill it up with sugar. So, can we just do that?” ~Milk Executives Americans consume an impressive amount of milk on average—over 20 gallons per person,...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The Craziest Hot Dogs in Professional Baseball (Major League Edition)
“Take me out to the barf game, take me out to the puke!” ~Your obnoxious seven-year-old nephew who, you have to admit, probably has a bright parody career ahead of him America invented most of the...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The Craziest Hot Dogs in Professional Baseball (Minor League Edition)
“You can’t get butts in the seat without a gimmick!” ~Bill Veeck As covered a few days ago, baseball and insane hot dogs go together like serial killers and women who send love letters to various...
View ArticleClik here to view.
S’mores: Giving America Yet Another Reason To Love Fire
“No, you see, they’re called S’Mores because you always WANT Some…” ~No, we get it, you don’t have to finish Camping is as American of a tradition as you can find among middle class people who take...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The American History of the Pop-Tart
“Pop Tarts: The Perfect Breakfast For A Broken Home!” ~Rejected Pop Tarts slogan Parenting is not easy, which is why American corporations have entire divisions dedicated to giving parents as many...
View Article