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Hi, Hello, We’ve Not Posted For a While But Apparently the Bitcoin People Are...
“Fortune…cookies favor the brave, wait, no, that isn’t the reason for this is it? Jesus Christ, is this my fault? IS THIS MY FAULT?” ~Matt Damon Hey! It’s been a while since you’ve heard from us,...
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DiCarlo’s Pizza Wants You To Know That They, and They Alone, Are Responsible...
“Please remove my company from your website. I don’t want my company listed on your page.” Management of DiCarlo’s Pizza, sent to our staff at 8:30 AM on a Sunday Eight years ago (!) we wrote a pretty...
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We Just Learned That Oyster Ice Cream Exists So You Must Now Suffer This...
“Goddamn it, I’m eating, I don’t want to hear about this. Gross.” ~You This is going to be a short article, and it’s going to haunt you for a long time. We’d apologize but we ran out of sorries...
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Six Regional Pizzas You’ve (Probably) Never Heard Of
“I have very strong opinions about other people’s opinions about pizza, and this angers me.” ~The Internet Back in 2013 we wrote what, arguably, is our most divisive article that doesn’t insult ALDI....
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The 16 Best Fast Food Hamburgers in America: A Stolen List
“I’m not mad about this assignment.” ~AFFotD’s Food Critic Full disclosure—we are straight up stealing an article here. It’s theft, pure and simple, taking this list from our friends at The Classic Dad...
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AFFotD Ranks Lay’s Regional Potato Chip Flavors
“Here’s a funny flavor. Buy our potato bits.” ~The Marketing Team at Lay’s Potato Chips Lay’s potato chips has a history of coming up with strange flavors, almost as if they know that coming up with...
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Six Strangest Marketing Gimmicks Used By Hidden Valley Ranch
“Ranch Dressing.” ~One of Four Check Boxes on Medical Forms Under “Reason For Heart Attack.” Ranch dressing claims to be one of the, if not the only, truly American salad dressing. We do not dispute...
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More of America’s Weirdest, Strangest Burritos (That We’d Probably Eat)
“I don’t care what’s inside of it, just give me that burrito.” ~America Last week we scoured the nation to bring to your attention burritos filled with, oh, let’s say…non-conventional ingredients. We...
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America’s Weirdest, Strangest Burritos (That We’d Probably Eat)
“A burrito is a lot like sex. Everyone insists it’s just like pizza, except they’re wrong, because they don’t realize that Americans do some REALLY weird shit when making burritos.” ~Also, even when...
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The (Complicated) American History of Mac and Cheese
“This is as delicious as it is problematic.” ~Historians Eating Mac and Cheese Mac and cheese. Macaroni and cheese. Mac dog and the cheeser. Two of these are socially recognized and accepted terms for...
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A Brief Foray into How Other Countries Are Ruining Pizza
“Oh God, no, not pizza. Ruin ANYTHING ELSE but spare the pizza!” ~Your Taste Buds We talk a lot about pizza around these parts, but can you blame us? Pizza is just about the perfect, when done right....
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Discontinued McDonald’s Items We Desperately Want Back
“Ba-da-ba-ba-daaa, I’m missing it” ~McDonald’s Customers Back in August, we wrote about how while McDonald’s is a great American establishment, they’ve managed to commit some real crimes against food....
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The Worst Crimes Against Food McDonald’s Has Ever Committed
“♫Ba da ba da daaa, send it to hell♫” ~Rejected Mcdonald’s Slogan It’s easy to make fun of McDonald’s, and in fact many most people who get mad when we make fun of their country (so pretty much every...
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Best Sriracha-Flavored Products
“Teaching Americans to stop being pansies about spicy food since 1980” ~Huy Fong Foods Slogan Sriracha hot sauce is basically an elixir. It tastes good on just about anything, and the American...
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The History of Fried Pickles
“What? They fry PICKLES now? What’ll they think of next!” ~Bar Patrons In, Like, 2001 People from other countries like to make fun of America for frying all their food, but that’s like making fun...
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The World’s Saddest Cuisines: Estonia
“Oh…oh no. It’s another Russia-bordering country. This is going to be so sad.” ~AFFotD’s Resident Food Critic We know America does food better than any other country, primarily because when other...
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The Worst Pringles Flavors in American History
“You Don’t Just Eat ‘Em” ~Wait, That’s The New Pringles Motto? That Sucks Pringles are the ultimate embodiment of America’s commitment to unhealthy but delicious food. They were invented by Procter...
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Pizza Hut’s 7 Most Insane Delivery Stunts Ever
“The fact that we go to such lengths to deliver pizza should really make you pissed off that the nearest location to you doesn’t do delivery.” ~Pizza Hut Marketing Execs Pizza Hut is that pizza chain...
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The Dumbest Types of Sommeliers That Actually Exist
“A sumally what? Oh you mean a wine guy?” ~American Fine Restaurant Diners French people are only good at two things—being snobby, and making wine. They’re also good at being made fun of by...
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Ranking the Ridiculous Food Items That Might Be Added to the 2017 Menu of the...
“We will let you choose what gives you your next heart attack.” ~The Western Michigan Whitecaps’ Food Director We’ve talked about Minor League Baseball before—specifically, how the menus at Minor...
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